godkingoftrickery

[ Soft classical music plays in background. ]

You've reached Lyndon Frei, freelance wordsmith, fashion designer, party organizer, adviser, social scientist, overall researcher, vastly experienced sorcerer, and marvelous dinner company. In regards to anything else you might desire, we can surely reach an arrangement. When favoring quality, I'm the worthiest friend you could hope for in this realm.

This is a prerecorded message, but I'll call you back as soon as you present a convincing reason to. If you have none, please, do hang up until you find one. And if you absolutely insist on disturbing me thoughtlessly-- text. That is what texting is for, right? Thank you, and good day.

[ Beeeep. Leave your serious voicemail, winky emote texts, and memes here for Loki to peruse. ]